Rants, can'ts, shan'ts, dance…

How To Never Get “Friendzoned” Again!

Ahh, yes. The dreaded friendzone. That social limbo where male acquaintances are shuttled off to, despite their best efforts to “get the girl.” The “Nice Guys Finish Last” syndrome. We all know about it. Well, fellas, look no further because I am going to tell you right now how to stop it from happening. It’s not as hard as it might seem. The answer is actually very simple. In order to stop this rampant friendzoning epidemic, the only thing guys need to do is:

  • Stop pretending to be a nice guy when in reality you are offering false friendship with ulterior motives and actually be a nice guy.

That’s right, people. No one owes you a date – or anything else – because you condescended to treat them like a human being. That’s not respectful, considerate or nice. It’s creep shit. You can say “Girls only like assholes” all you want but at least those assholes are usually honest about their intentions. They are not trying to trick a female into liking them by making her think they are considerate, respectful and decent when they actually aren’t. Real nice guys are content with just friendship because even if they are disappointed, they respect the fact that the girl does not feel the same way. It’s called being a decent human being.

You hear it all the time: “I listened to all her problems and she cried on my shoulder for months and what did I get for that? Nothing! Put in the friendzone! I wasted my time!” Wasted your time being a friend? So, what you are saying is that you only cared or even bothered because you were trying to get something in return. Who the fuck wants to date someone like that?? People want to date someone who is genuine, not a fake. Stop thinking you are owed something simply for treating a woman like a human being. You aren’t owed all these things for just not treating someone like shit. The only thing you are owed is to not be treated like shit in return, and a woman not dating you, not loving you, not fucking you or not liking you like that is not treating you like shit.

See, women are just like men. They have their own minds, preferences, attractions. They like who and what they like and there is not usually much control over it. There is nothing you can do about it. If a female does not feel the same way about you, she just doesn’t. It’s not her fault, just like the way you feel about her isn’t your fault. It’s what it is. Attempting to bully, bribe, trick or otherwise manipulate someone into doing what you want them to do when it is not what they want to do is wrong. It’s wrong. Period. To feel that a woman owes you whatever you want in return for you being nice to her not only means that you are not really a nice guy, it also means that you do not accept that she is her own person with her own desires and feelings.

The funniest examples of these friendzone situations are the guys who say, “I bought her all these things/gave her all this money and she never even had sex with me once!” In other words, you are mad because you feel that you weren’t the only one with ulterior motives? Really? What right do you have to be angry? How are you innocent here? “I only gave her presents/money because I cared!” Then it should not matter that you didn’t get what you (say you didn’t really) want, right? Since you’re such a nice guy and all, it should be enough that you showed her you care, right? Because that’s all you wanted. Oh, it’s not enough? Uh huh.

I just can’t get past the sense of entitlement in these friendzone rants, as if you guys feel like it is some kind of transaction and you were cheated out of what you paid for. Unbelievable. “All women are whores! All women are sluts! All women are dirty bitches who cannot see what a nice guy I am!” What part of that hateful rant says “nice guy” to you? It’s also hilarious to see guys calling women whores and sluts because the women won’t have sex with them, but it’s sad too. The idea again seems to be entitlement, even ownership and objectification: “You have had sex with other people and because of that, you have to have sex with me, too. If you don’t, you are doing something wrong. You are treating me unfairly.” Again, as if the woman has no rights, thoughts or feelings of her own. As if she has no right to choose or refuse sexual partners for herself. The dehumanization and complete lack of respect here is just astounding.

It reminds me of that old joke: “What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut has sex with everybody. A bitch has sex with everybody but you.”

So in order to stop this pesky friendzone problem, grow up. Stop insisting people owe you because you achieved the super-human feat of acting like a decent human being, however genuine it actually was. If you like a girl and she only likes you as a friend, either let that be enough and be a friend – a real friend – or realize that friendship is not enough for you and move on. 

**To any real nice guys who find that they are seen too often as a friend, just wait. When girls grow up, they usually realize who the good ones are. 🙂

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