Rants, can'ts, shan'ts, dance…

50 Shades of Grey — And As Many Interpretations of it

I keep hearing how the book and movie 50 Shades of Grey are sending women’s rights back all these decades. I’ve even seen the r-word being thrown around. Here’s my thing: BDSM and dominance are not rape. Neither can occur without explicit consent. The definition of rape is that it is non-consensual. If there is consent, there is no rape. It is not rape simply because it looks too rough for you or is rougher than you would appreciate. BDSM relationships and sex do not diminish the submissive partner either, because in truth the submissive is in charge of the entire interaction. Nothing occurs without her (or his!) consent. Nothing. Because of this, BDSM is also not abuse.

Now, undoubtedly the book and movie will entice a few “vanilla” women into trying the whole thing but most of them really just want something new, not something real. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Women are entitled to their fantasies – all of their fantasies and labeling or judging these fantasies is not helpful or supportive of women. I am of the mind that gender equality means women have the choice to like or dislike whatever they choose, rather than have these things still be dictated by others as to what they should or should not be.

There are plenty of men who enjoy being dominated as well. There are men who pay to be dominated. Where is the outcry? Does anyone even care? No, they don’t. It’s considered the man’s private business and that’s that. Why is it not the same for women? Why is a women’s sexuality still a matter of public scrutiny in the year 2015?

Isn’t it time this stops?

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