Rants, can'ts, shan'ts, dance…


Everyone is an Expert These Days

Like many other people, I enjoy debating. Not arguing, in the common sense of the word but debating. They are very different. “Arguing” as we are using it here is a situation where you are angry with someone. We could also call it fighting. In debate, you can be passionate and you use argument (like in court, when they say closing arguments), but you should never be angry. Debate is not personal, whereas fighting often is. If a debate becomes personal, it is no longer a debate. It’s a fight. Fighting – especially online – is just stupid. Debating can be very productive.

This is where the problem lies.

The truth is, I care about that a lot because I care about the free exchange of ideas. I care a lot about the exchange of information. And I’m so sick of people arguing shit just to argue because they think they are right. They have no reason to think they’re right; they can’t back up their assertions or prove anything they’ve stated. They just think they’re right and that is the basis of their entire argument: “I’m right because I say I am.” When challenged, these folks often fall back on the old, “Well, I’m entitled to my opinion” spiel. You might be entitled to your opinion but that has nothing to do with whether what you’ve actually asserted is correct. Saying that does not justify your opinion in any way. For example, maybe you’ve asserted that last year was the hottest year we’ve ever had, because that is your opinion. If I argue your assertion with facts that prove last year was not the hottest year we’ve ever had, you cannot then say, “I’m entitled to my opinion” as an argument. It isn’t one. The society we live in bends over backward to validate all opinions, no matter how stupid or incorrect. Just remember that “justification” and “validate” are two different things. I’m only required to validate your opinion in a debate if you can justify it.

So… To all my fellow debating folks out there: never forget that sometimes when you are debating something with another person, the reason that person argues in circles and will not concede a point or a fact is because they don’t actually know enough about the subject to know if you’re right or wrong. You’re wasting your time with these people. Find a worthy opponent.

And to those of you who “debate” like that: You may think you’re intelligent and you very well may be, but intelligence is not a substitute for knowledge in the arena of facts. You’re going to get beaten every time if you are armed with only that.

Debate is not for arguing in circles, or fighting. It’s for actually making points using facts. In a debate, arguing in a circle is a sign that you actually don’t know your shit (because all you’ve done is state a conclusion but you cannot back it up). So are things like insulting people, using strawman arguments, emotional arguments and appeal to authority, among other things. If a debate does not progress past these things, then someone in the debate doesn’t know what the fuck they are talking about. 

There are way too many people anymore who argue things just to argue them. They don’t really know what they are talking about, but they are bound and determined that they are right. This new spike in human narcissism is destroying the actual exchange of ideas and replacing it with useless, pointless bickering. Do yourselves a favor: don’t argue or debate something unless you are absolutely sure that you are right – and you can actually prove it using something beyond your personal experience. You’re bringing down the curve for the whole country.

Can Words Kill? The Case of Conrad Roy & Michelle Carter

Recently the death of Conrad Roy has been the subject of much scrutiny. The focal point of this scrutiny are text messages he received from his online girlfriend Michelle Carter that seem to be encouraging him to commit suicide. Ms. Carter has been charged with involuntary manslaughter. Most of the reaction to Ms. Carter’s texts has been understandably negative. The comment section psychiatrists are out in full force, diagnosing her as a sociopath and a narcissist. If all you read are the Huffington Post articles about it, you might be inclined to agree. However, if you actually peruse the court documents and read all of her texts to him and to her friend, you see that it is not what it first looks like. She seems to have been trying to be supportive of his wish to die while at the same time not really believing he was going to do anything and trying to mirror back to him what he was saying to show him that it sounds crazy. It’s a case of, “I don’t want you to but if you want to, I’ll support you because I love you but I want you to understand how crazy and stupid it sounds.”

This is not as odd as it sounds, especially since they had these kinds of conversations often. Kids (and even some adults) don’t have much of a grasp of mortality. Even when staring their own imminent death in the face, most people just cannot accept that they really are going to die. It’s just too absurd and too big, too fundamental for us to understand. Humans at our core are narcissistic; the fact that the world will go on after we die is unbelievable, therefore so is dying. It’s hard for people to understand and believe people they know and love can die, especially if someone talks about this kind of thing all the time but never really does anything.

The “online psychiatrists” who are maligning this girl have obviously had the luxury of never living with someone who feels that way. Someone who talks about suicide nonstop. Someone who refuses to get help for it. Someone who truly does want to die. I have a friend who is dying of cancer and flatly refuses chemotherapy. I argued for treatment many times. It’s not what he wants. I have to accept that. If he wanted my help with ending it his own way, I love him and I would help him. It’s not what I want but it’s not my life and I am not the one suffering. This was a young girl with psychiatric problems of her own. Was she wrong? Absolutely. Did she intend to do anything wrong, or to hurt him? I don’t know about that. I don’t think so. Beyond the explanations offered, something that many people haven’t considered is that maybe she was trying to be supportive by helping him not chicken out of what he really wanted. Sometimes, that is the only help you can offer.

Sound absurd? Not really. Many people don’t understand what it is like to live with someone like that. You cannot beg and plead with someone to live every single day. It’s emotionally exhausting but more than that, it doesn’t help anyway; after a while, you realize it’s just not what they really want. For some people, feeling suicidal is not a momentary or temporary feeling. It’s how they feel all the time. It’s not a “crisis.” It’s their every day life and nothing makes it go away. If someone truly does not want to live anymore, what right do you have to stand in their way? I’m not advocating suicide here. People should always seek help for themselves or their loved ones in a crisis. But if help doesn’t work, if someone truly decides that they just don’t want to live anymore, who am I to stop them? It isn’t my life and I’m not the one suffering.

It must be nice to sit in a place of enlightenment and ignorance, knowing fuck-all about how us scumbags live and pass judgment on what everyone else does. I don’t have that luxury. I know all too well what it is like to be around someone like that. He is alive today but not because I saved his life (though I literally did, on more than one occasion). He is alive today because after more than 30 years – 30 years – of feeling suicidal nonstop every single day, he decided he wanted to be alive. Help didn’t help him; he’s gotten plenty of it – for years. Medications, therapy, hospitalization, understanding, love, compassion… he’s gotten plenty of all of those things. They did not help. Nothing helped and to this day, it has not helped. He has decided to live with it for his own reasons, but it hasn’t gone away. It isn’t going to go away because the problem is a lot deeper than “Don’t kill yourself, your family loves you.” Again, I’m not talking about people facing a crisis or an emergency. I am talking about “permanent” suicidal feelings that the person cannot get rid of, that they have had every single day for years, maybe even their entire life. It must be hell on earth. It looks like hell on earth. It’s hell on earth to be around. I don’t begrudge people like that a goddam thing. And I don’t judge them, or their loved ones. People that do… well, lucky you, I guess. I know too much about it to do that. The boy in the story we are talking about here talked about suicide almost every single day for the entire time this girl had known him. I don’t judge her. We all do the best we can and she is a kid. If you’ve not had that experience, you do not understand what it is like at all, so save your judgments for something you actually do understand. This poor dumb girl is probably going to rot in jail because she mishandled a situation that even trained professionals with years of schooling often handle wrong.

One of the things I use this blog for is to tell hard truths, things that a lot of people won’t say. This is one of them. You cannot make somebody want to live. You cannot watch them 24 hours a day. You cannot live their lives for them. You cannot force them to continue to suffer a life they feel is intolerable just to spare your feelings. That is selfish. Suicide is often called selfish and I believe it is, but so is that. It’s the same with drug addicts, people in abusive relationships, people who refuse life-saving healthcare or anything else. If someone is determined to harm or kill themselves – either blatantly or through self-neglect, as my other friend is doing by refusing chemo – they will. That’s it.

So no. Words cannot kill. He was suicidal before he met her and he stayed suicidal after meeting her. It had nothing to do with her, but she is going to go to prison anyway because the law – and the majority in this country – think you should be able to somehow stop someone from killing themselves, even if they don’t want help and even if they are determined to do so. You can apparently kill someone with words in this country now, without even touching them. You killed them simply by not continuing to try for years to stop them from something they really want to do. Can’t wait to see what that turns into.

The Battle of The Bathroom: Political Correctness Run Amok

Recently I got into a… not really an argument or debate but just a small thing with someone on social media regarding whether or not transgender folks should be able to use the bathroom they choose, rather than the one dictated by their anatomy. My position is that they should use the one dictated by their anatomy, simply because it has become too much of a grey area and a line has to be drawn or a distinction made somewhere. It’s going to have to be there. That’s the simplest and most obvious resolution to the problem, and for me it is a problem. Not because people are trans, though. I have a problem with the whole transgender bathroom thing because for someone to feel uncomfortable if an opposite sex person is in the bathroom with them would be a pretty common thing. Most people don’t want that. If nobody cared, that would be something totally different. But they do care, so why do 500 people have to be made uncomfortable just so one person is not? I’m all for equality as everybody knows, but that isn’t equality – at all. It’s special rules for special people, which is the antithesis of equality.

If someone can say, “My rights are being violated by forcing me to use the bathroom for my anatomic gender because I don’t personally feel that gender is correct. I feel I’m in the wrong bathroom which makes me uncomfortable,” why is it not OK for someone to say, “My rights are being violated by forcing me to use the bathroom with someone who is not anatomically the same gender as myself even if they think that gender is incorrect. I feel they are in the wrong bathroom which makes me uncomfortable”? Isn’t it the same thing?

Transgender person: “I am uncomfortable using the bathroom around people I feel are the opposite gender from myself, even if they don’t think they are.” The narrative says OK. You don’t have to. This is a big deal and we will do everything we can to ensure you are not uncomfortable.

Non-transgender person: “I am uncomfortable using the bathroom around people I feel are the opposite gender from myself, even if they don’t think they are.” The narrative says You’re a bigot. Suck it up. It’s not a big deal and if you say it is, you’re just overreacting. 

How is that fair? It’s the exact same thing. This is where it bothers me. For me, it’s not a transgender issue. It’s the unfairness of the narrative. The person I got into the thing with asked the folks in the thread, “And what do you actually think they’re going to be doing with thier [sic] penises in the bathroom? Chase you around and say “ooga-booga”? Rape you?” That right there is bullshit. It’s stating that if someone is uncomfortable by having to use the bathroom with someone they feel is the opposite gender, they’re being needlessly fearful and overreacting. That translates into: Your feelings about this don’t matter. Yes, it affects you personally but they still don’t matter. Your privacy doesn’t matter. Nothing matters, except how this one person feels. She went on quite a bit about how it was no big deal and people who had a problem with it are just overreacting. If that’s the case and it’s no big deal to use the bathroom around people who you feel are the opposite gender, why can’t our hypothetical transgender friend just use the bathroom dictated by their anatomy? Oh, right. Because it is a big deal – for them. The hypocrisy of that argument just absolutely astounds me. It really does. “I’m doing the same thing you are, but you doing it is bigoted.” What the hell, man? I’m hateful and bigoted for saying the same thing you’re saying? I’m hateful and bigoted because I don’t want to go to the bathroom with people of the opposite gender – the exact same thing transgender folks don’t want? Why? Why is it OK for them to feel that way but not for me?

It isn’t just with this issue, of course. This issue is just a perfect example of the hypocrisy and absurdity of political correctness run amok. In an attempt to appease the few, the many are sacrificed. This in the end appeases nobody. It breeds anger and creates a feeling of being marginalized and disrespected. Of course, it’s supposed to. Divide and conquer and all that.

As an aside, I find it amazing that so many people claim to be against “rape culture” and state ridiculous things like, “The penis is by default an object of violence” but somehow are able to reconcile the penis as inoffensive and impotent (sorry) when the bearer of said penis believes he is a female, and further, that they insist that girls and women who don’t want a person who is anatomically male in their bathroom need to simply put up with it.

Rachel Dolezal: Fraud or Fruitcake?

You’ve probably heard by now about Rachel Dolezal, the president of the Washington chapter of the NAACP. She recently resigned from her position because, well… she’s white. This might not have been that big of a deal under normal circumstances; there are white people in the NAACP. However, these were not normal circumstances. Ms. Dolezal was pretending to be black. Yes, you read that right; Rachel Dolezal identified herself as black on official documents and spent quite a bit of time and money in order to make herself look black. Or at least as black as a blonde haired, blue eyed white girl from Montana can look.

Ms. Dolezal’s unusual prevarication has sparked a media storm, with most of the debate centering around whether she is delusional and in need of psychiatric help or whether she is simply a fraud.

While it is certainly unusual that someone would lie in order to claim a different race, it’s not unheard of. But is this a psychiatric issue? Ms. Dolezal’s adopted brother (who really is black) claims that she asked him not to give her secret away. This points pretty strongly to the fact that Rachel Dolezal is most definitely aware that she isn’t really black. Since she doesn’t actually believe she’s black, that would seem to leave only one option: she’s just a fraud.

How is she a fraud? She obviously felt masquerading as a black woman would bring her advantages that she could not have as her true self. Therefore, whatever these advantages were, they were fraudulently obtained. Scholarships, jobs, positions of power… whatever opportunities she received for being an educated black woman were stolen from a real educated black woman. Stolen by a sneaking, scheming, lying white woman. This is a person who is supposed to improve race relations?

Perhaps the most frightening thing about this entire situation is the media handling of the story. There are articles popping up everywhere criticizing Ms. Dolezal’s parents for “outing” her. Really? Her parents should have gone along with fraud? With the outright mockery of black people? What world do we live in where this despicable person is supported for lying to obtain money and opportunities, but her parents are criticized for refusing to support that? It’s absolutely absurd.

Is this white guilt run amok? Judging by some of the comments on articles about this story, it would seem that at least a small segment of society feels Ms. Dolezal should want to be any other color than white and should be forgiven for her fraud because of this.

Another (admittedly smaller) segment of society compares this situation to the Bruce Jenner story. I understand the comparison on some level, but I don’t recall Bruce Jenner defrauding anybody, gender notwithstanding.

The saddest part is that, for whatever reason, Ms. Dolezal didn’t feel she could accomplish what she wanted as a white woman. Perhaps it goes back to when she attended Howard University. Apparently, the school was under the impression that she was black when they gave her a scholarship and accepted her, and when they saw her in person she was not treated very nicely. Maybe that made her believe that a white person attempting to help would not be taken seriously by the black community. Her brother reportedly stated that after she attended Howard University, she made many comments alluding to the fact that all white people are racist. Apparently, that’s what they teach there.

If you are serious about working on race relations, is this not where you should begin then? How does changing who you are help that particular problem? If you think that you cannot achieve what you want to achieve because of what you are, then instead of changing what you are or lying about it, shouldn’t you try to change the perception of what you are by being a better example of it? If you think you can’t do good work in the black community because of the way white people are perceived, pretending to be black while doing good works does not address this problem at all. In fact, it perpetuates it. Addressing it would be doing good works as a white person. That’s real change. This is just lies and foolishness.

If Rachel Dolezal truly cared about race relations in this country, instead of resigning in total disgrace, she’d have martyred herself. She should have stood up and said, “Yes I lied, but I felt that I had to because of the nature of race relations in this country. It’s something we really need to resolve so that people of every race and ethnicity can work together and no one ever feels the way I did again.” Instead, she took the coward’s way out. She resigned in disgrace, with absolutely no dignity.

In the end, this woman has made a mockery out of two races, at least two organizations and many, many people. Most of all, she made a mockery of herself. She’s destroyed her own credibility and integrity, which damages the good she’s done, possibly irreparably. All for a lie.

Rock Motherfucker

There’s a devil in your pocket
Nice to see ya
You find a way to rock it
It wouldn’t be ya
If your train’s on time
Oh no
It’s really gonna blow your mind
And I know

There’s an angel in your aura
Good to know it
Looks like she’s waiting for ya
But you don’t show it
If the stars don’t shine
Then I know
I really gotta know the time
Time to go

I need to know, how far are you willing to go?

Ain’t got the time and I don’t have luck
Rock steady to the bottom, not giving a fuck
If you’re coming with me, bounce
Cuz the train leaves now
Ain’t waiting at the station
While you figure it out

There’s a demon on the inside
How ya doin?
It’s such a very thin line
Until it’s ruined
If you stay right here
Just sit back
I really never felt the fear
I’ll be back

You know that God is in the empty
Time to tell ya
But hell is very tempting
That’s how they sell ya
If you don’t get far
oh no
You better wish upon a star
And I know

I need to know, how far are you willing to go?

Ain’t got the time and I don’t have luck
Rock steady to the bottom, not giving a fuck
If you’re coming with me, bounce
Cuz the train leaves now
Ain’t waiting at the station
While you figure it out

If you’re coming with me, bounce
Cuz the train leaves now

Ain’t got the time to wait on some sad sucker
If you’re coming, let’s roll. Time to rock, motherfucker.
I ain’t waiting around for you to take your time
If you ain’t got the sack, hit the back of the line
You gotta hit it hard if you’re coming with me
You gotta roll like THAT. You gotta go on 3.
It’s a war going on son, this ain’t no game
It’s me against the world. You’ll never be the same.

50 Shades of Grey — And As Many Interpretations of it

I keep hearing how the book and movie 50 Shades of Grey are sending women’s rights back all these decades. I’ve even seen the r-word being thrown around. Here’s my thing: BDSM and dominance are not rape. Neither can occur without explicit consent. The definition of rape is that it is non-consensual. If there is consent, there is no rape. It is not rape simply because it looks too rough for you or is rougher than you would appreciate. BDSM relationships and sex do not diminish the submissive partner either, because in truth the submissive is in charge of the entire interaction. Nothing occurs without her (or his!) consent. Nothing. Because of this, BDSM is also not abuse.

Now, undoubtedly the book and movie will entice a few “vanilla” women into trying the whole thing but most of them really just want something new, not something real. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Women are entitled to their fantasies – all of their fantasies and labeling or judging these fantasies is not helpful or supportive of women. I am of the mind that gender equality means women have the choice to like or dislike whatever they choose, rather than have these things still be dictated by others as to what they should or should not be.

There are plenty of men who enjoy being dominated as well. There are men who pay to be dominated. Where is the outcry? Does anyone even care? No, they don’t. It’s considered the man’s private business and that’s that. Why is it not the same for women? Why is a women’s sexuality still a matter of public scrutiny in the year 2015?

Isn’t it time this stops?

Feminism & Chauvinism In Our Relationships

I’m so tired of the whole feminist/chauvinist thing, especially regarding relationships. All you hear all damn day long is “Stop kissing these hoes’ asses!” and “Stop letting these bastards oppress you!” #nomoresimping #yesallwoman everywhere. Well, here is my advice to all of you:

There are many different kinds of people. There are just as many different kinds of relationships. Some you may feel are more equal than others. Here’s the thing about that, though: It’s absolutely none of your business. None. At all. It does not matter what you think the societal implications of such a relationship might be. It doesn’t matter what you think the long-term chances of such a relationship might be. It doesn’t matter what you think of the motives of the parties in the relationship, their feelings or anything else. It. Does. Not. Matter. What consenting adults do is not your concern in any way, shape or form. Your judgement is not needed or welcome. Period.

I cook for my husband. I clean up after him. I bathe him sometimes. I brush his hair, I shave him, I cut his hair. I massage him. I made him French toast at 4 o’clock in the morning the other night. He gets what he wants. In return, I ask for respect, faithfulness and kindness. He doesn’t ask me to do these things, or tell me to. I want to do them. I like doing these things. It’s my personality. I don’t see him as superior to me, or feel I have to do anything for him at all. I just like doing things for people I care about. It makes me happy. I’m (obviously) no shrinking violet; I’m fully capable of standing up for my rights should they be trod upon. But then I have people saying things like, “This ain’t the 1950’s. Come out of the kitchen. He’s oppressing you.” as if it could never be my choice. My answer is always the same thing: “You’re right. This isn’t the 1950’s. It’s the year 2014 and that means I can choose to do whatever I want to do. Stop trying to ‘liberate’ me out of my personal choices.” Liberation and independence are supposed to be about doing what you want to do and making your own choices, not the choices that everyone else agrees with or thinks you should make. On Facebook, someone made a great point about Muslim women, and how Non-Muslim Americans want to “liberate” these women of their head coverings without even sparing a thought to the fact that Muslim women choose to wear them. 

People who engage in this type of ridiculous judgment and life-policing are the reason for all of this BS, because they simply cannot keep their noses out of other people’s business. If a man wants to elevate his woman to the status of Empress of the Universe, that’s not your business. If a woman wants to wait on her man hand and foot as if he were God Himself, that’s not your business. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, nobody’s marriage or relationship is your business. So instead of worrying about all the other men and women in the world and why they are not doing exactly what YOU think is the right thing, worry about your own partner and your own life.

And shut the fuck up, too.

My Message To The Anti-Rape Culture Brigade: Enough, Already!

As I’ve stated in other posts, I have a few problems with the anti-rape culture movement. The purpose of the anti-rape culture movement seems to be to reduce women once again to helpless victims. To me it looks like women who are being groomed to be victims because they are being taught that they have no power here. I stand in staunch opposition to this and always will. Thinking that more education and sensitivity training is going to protect you in this world is a pipe-dream and it’s a dangerous one. You cannot “cure” or educate someone out of being a rapist. It is impossible. Making women put on clothes is not going to change things and women running around naked telling everyone not to look is not going to change things, because these things have nothing to do with why rape occurs. Rape occurs because a person feels powerless and wants to assert control over another human being in order to feel more powerful. No amount of sloganeering or naked protestation is going to change that.

This video is my statement to the anti-rape culture brigade: Enough, already! THIS is why rape occurs: because a person puts (or sees) another person in a vulnerable situation and takes advantage of them. Period.

It has nothing to do with any of the political bullshit that these assholes are talking about. It is not society causing it. It is not because of some lack of education or sensitivity. People don’t need to be “taught not to rape,” because people already know that rape is wrong. They do it anyway because they don’t care.

This video is also a rebellion against being branded as a sex object. Attempts were made to look not sexy but pathetic. The simulated rape and forced servitude shown here is not just the message but the subtext as well; it is symbolic of being forced into a role you do not want to occupy.

The Spider and the Fly

A Fable

by Mary Howitt (1799-1888)

“Will you step into my parlor?” said the spider to the fly;
“’Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you did spy.
The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,
And I have many pretty things to show when you are there.”
“O no, no,” said the little fly, “to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne’er come down again.”

“I’m sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little bed?” said the spider to the fly.
“There are pretty curtains drawn around, the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest awhile, I’ll snugly tuck you in.”
“O no, no,” said the little fly, “for I’ve often heard it said,
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed.”

Said the cunning spider to the fly, “Dear friend, what shall I do,
To prove the warm affection I’ve always felt for you?
I have within my pantry good store of all that’s nice;
I’m sure you’re very welcome; will you please to take a slice?”
“O no, no,” said the little fly, “kind sir, that cannot be;
I’ve heard what’s in your pantry, and I do not wish to see.”

“Sweet creature!” said the spider, “You’re witty and you’re wise!
How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!
I have a little looking-glass upon my parlor shelf,
If you’ll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself.”
“I thank you, gentle sir,” she said, “for what you’re pleased to say,
And bidding you good-morning now, I’ll call another day.”

The spider turned him round about, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly fly would soon be back again:
So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,
And set his table ready to dine upon the fly.
Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing
“Come hither, hither, pretty fly, with the pearl and silver wing:
Your robes are green and purple; there’s a crest upon your head;
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead.”

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little fly,
Hearing his wily flattering words, came slowly flitting by.
With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew
Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue;
Thinking only of her crested head — poor foolish thing! At last,
Up jumped the cunning spider, and fiercely held her fast.
He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,
Within his little parlor; but she ne’er came out again!

And now, dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly, flattering words, I pray you ne’er give heed;
Unto an evil counselor close heart, and ear, and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale of the Spider and the Fly.


I’m sorry that I have not dealt with the thousands of hours of brutality, torture and trauma you inflicted on me and my children according to your schedule and I’m sorry that the way I am trying to deal with it is not good enough for you. I’m sorry if I cannot just “grow up and get over” the horrible things you’ve done to me. It’s very easy to say that when you are not the person that these horrible things were done to, when you are in fact the person who did the terrible things. How hard can it be to get over doing terrible things to someone if you are capable of doing such terrible things at all in the first place?
It must be very nice to have the luxury of just not having to think about it. I do not have that luxury. I do not have the luxury of being able to say, “It was a long time ago, let it go.” It’s nice to hear you say that I ought to try to “stop acting like a child” and “just deal with it” or that I’d “be a lot happier” if I could just “let it go” but again, it’s easy to say that when you are the one who did these things. I’m sorry you seem to think “dealing with it” means “pretend it never happened” or “never talk about it again.” The truth is that you don’t really care how it affects me; you just don’t want to be forced to face it anymore. I however have to face it every day. So I’m sorry if I am not bleeding quietly enough for you. I’ll try and tone it down.
It takes the body and mind three days to deal with a trauma. When you multiply that by the years of trauma you’ve inflicted on me, well… I don’t think it’s going to go fast enough for you. I am sorry that you’ve (obviously) not been able to outrun the guilt, and I’m sorry that my pain did not evaporate neatly and quietly according to when you stopped caring about it and when you decided it was no longer an issue.
I am, perhaps, sorriest of all that you are so selfish that you actually believe I “hold on” to such terrible things just to punish you and not because they are so terrible that I may never be able to fully get over them. I am sorriest that you do not seem to understand at all what you’ve done and that you seem unable to ever do so.