There is a lot to be said for the idea of anti-rape devices, such as rape-thwarting underwear and the aptly-named Rape-aXe, which impales the rapist’s penis on barbs, causing him excruciating pain upon withdrawal. I applaud the idea behind these things, but I think in practical application, they could be very dangerous. The most common type of rapist (the power reassurance or “gentleman” rapist) may run away when he finds his efforts countered, but there are many others who will not. Anti-rape devices will only incite these rapists, making it more likely that the woman will be seriously injured or even killed as a consequence. Rape is about power and the desire to have control over another person. When any type of rapist (because there are different types) sees that he is being prevented from having what he wants, he very often reacts with rage and escalated violence – up to and including murder.
The anti-rape devices that scare me the most are the ones that inflict pain on the rapist. How many women are going to be killed for using these devices? They’re supposed to “temporarily incapacitate” him but how long does it really take to stab somebody and kill them, or choke them to death, or punch them in the face and cause serious damage? If you use a weapon against him, make sure it is one you are skilled with using that he cannot take from you and use against you. If you cannot get away from the rapist before the actual sexual attack starts, it may be safer to simply comply. It could save your life – and that is what is most important here. A rape can turn into a murder in less than 2 seconds. You have to stay alive by whatever means necessary and if that means going along with it, then do so. Protecting your life is more important than protecting an ideal. It’s fine to argue politics in the safety of your own home; we can talk all day about how to prevent rape in the broader sense, but when you are actually in a life or death situation, things become very, very simple: you survive. Yes, rape is wrong. Yes, the rapist is wrong. Yes, the rapist is totally and solely to blame. Yes, what he is doing is terrible and scarring. Yes, he is a bastard and a criminal and he should be castrated. But you must survive and however you can do that is what matters. I will not judge you and neither will anyone with a brain.
Women often say “I’ll punch him in the face! I’ll kick him in the nuts! I’ll scratch his eyes out!” but many who have attempted this have been severely beaten and even killed. Many a rapist has said point-blank that if the woman hadn’t fought back, he wouldn’t have hurt her. Now this smacks of victim-blaming (surprise), but if we look at the psychology behind rape, we see that there is probably truth to it. He rapes to feel powerful and if you fight back, this means he is not coming across as powerful enough. This angers him and it has just become a very dangerous situation for you. It is no longer about consent and the horrible, despicable intrusion of your body. Now it is about your life and that is far more important. It isn’t worth dying for. Even Richard Ramirez (a notably sadistic serial killer) spared the life of the one woman who did not fight him at all. Not only did he kill the ones who did fight back, but he cut out the eyes of the one who fought back the hardest. (Maxine Zazzara pulled a shotgun out on him, but it was unloaded and she didn’t know that. Her eyes were never found.) It’s not worth your life. What you need to do in that situation is use your head, not your fists. Beat him with your brain. If you live, you win. It’s that simple. If you can’t talk to him rationally, then look at him (if you can see him). Remember him. Memorize his face, his body, his tattoos, his teeth, his smell, his voice, everything. And tell the police. Sear his face into your brain so that you don’t forget him. That is how you stop him.
If you do choose to fight back, prepare to fight back hard. As hard as you can, because this is your life and once you’ve started fighting, you may die if you can’t get away. And if you have a gun, shoot him if you can. No warning. No hesitation. Shoot him.
Ahh, yes. The dreaded friendzone. That social limbo where male acquaintances are shuttled off to, despite their best efforts to “get the girl.” The “Nice Guys Finish Last” syndrome. We all know about it. Well, fellas, look no further because I am going to tell you right now how to stop it from happening. It’s not as hard as it might seem. The answer is actually very simple. In order to stop this rampant friendzoning epidemic, the only thing guys need to do is:
- Stop pretending to be a nice guy when in reality you are offering false friendship with ulterior motives and actually be a nice guy.
That’s right, people. No one owes you a date – or anything else – because you condescended to treat them like a human being. That’s not respectful, considerate or nice. It’s creep shit. You can say “Girls only like assholes” all you want but at least those assholes are usually honest about their intentions. They are not trying to trick a female into liking them by making her think they are considerate, respectful and decent when they actually aren’t. Real nice guys are content with just friendship because even if they are disappointed, they respect the fact that the girl does not feel the same way. It’s called being a decent human being.
You hear it all the time: “I listened to all her problems and she cried on my shoulder for months and what did I get for that? Nothing! Put in the friendzone! I wasted my time!” Wasted your time being a friend? So, what you are saying is that you only cared or even bothered because you were trying to get something in return. Who the fuck wants to date someone like that?? People want to date someone who is genuine, not a fake. Stop thinking you are owed something simply for treating a woman like a human being. You aren’t owed all these things for just not treating someone like shit. The only thing you are owed is to not be treated like shit in return, and a woman not dating you, not loving you, not fucking you or not liking you like that is not treating you like shit.
See, women are just like men. They have their own minds, preferences, attractions. They like who and what they like and there is not usually much control over it. There is nothing you can do about it. If a female does not feel the same way about you, she just doesn’t. It’s not her fault, just like the way you feel about her isn’t your fault. It’s what it is. Attempting to bully, bribe, trick or otherwise manipulate someone into doing what you want them to do when it is not what they want to do is wrong. It’s wrong. Period. To feel that a woman owes you whatever you want in return for you being nice to her not only means that you are not really a nice guy, it also means that you do not accept that she is her own person with her own desires and feelings.
The funniest examples of these friendzone situations are the guys who say, “I bought her all these things/gave her all this money and she never even had sex with me once!” In other words, you are mad because you feel that you weren’t the only one with ulterior motives? Really? What right do you have to be angry? How are you innocent here? “I only gave her presents/money because I cared!” Then it should not matter that you didn’t get what you (say you didn’t really) want, right? Since you’re such a nice guy and all, it should be enough that you showed her you care, right? Because that’s all you wanted. Oh, it’s not enough? Uh huh.
I just can’t get past the sense of entitlement in these friendzone rants, as if you guys feel like it is some kind of transaction and you were cheated out of what you paid for. Unbelievable. “All women are whores! All women are sluts! All women are dirty bitches who cannot see what a nice guy I am!” What part of that hateful rant says “nice guy” to you? It’s also hilarious to see guys calling women whores and sluts because the women won’t have sex with them, but it’s sad too. The idea again seems to be entitlement, even ownership and objectification: “You have had sex with other people and because of that, you have to have sex with me, too. If you don’t, you are doing something wrong. You are treating me unfairly.” Again, as if the woman has no rights, thoughts or feelings of her own. As if she has no right to choose or refuse sexual partners for herself. The dehumanization and complete lack of respect here is just astounding.
It reminds me of that old joke: “What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut has sex with everybody. A bitch has sex with everybody but you.”
So in order to stop this pesky friendzone problem, grow up. Stop insisting people owe you because you achieved the super-human feat of acting like a decent human being, however genuine it actually was. If you like a girl and she only likes you as a friend, either let that be enough and be a friend – a real friend – or realize that friendship is not enough for you and move on.
**To any real nice guys who find that they are seen too often as a friend, just wait. When girls grow up, they usually realize who the good ones are. 🙂
I’m so tired of the whole feminist/chauvinist thing, especially regarding relationships. All you hear all damn day long is “Stop kissing these hoes’ asses!” and “Stop letting these bastards oppress you!” #nomoresimping #yesallwoman everywhere. Well, here is my advice to all of you:
There are many different kinds of people. There are just as many different kinds of relationships. Some you may feel are more equal than others. Here’s the thing about that, though: It’s absolutely none of your business. None. At all. It does not matter what you think the societal implications of such a relationship might be. It doesn’t matter what you think the long-term chances of such a relationship might be. It doesn’t matter what you think of the motives of the parties in the relationship, their feelings or anything else. It. Does. Not. Matter. What consenting adults do is not your concern in any way, shape or form. Your judgement is not needed or welcome. Period.
I cook for my husband. I clean up after him. I bathe him sometimes. I brush his hair, I shave him, I cut his hair. I massage him. I made him French toast at 4 o’clock in the morning the other night. He gets what he wants. In return, I ask for respect, faithfulness and kindness. He doesn’t ask me to do these things, or tell me to. I want to do them. I like doing these things. It’s my personality. I don’t see him as superior to me, or feel I have to do anything for him at all. I just like doing things for people I care about. It makes me happy. I’m (obviously) no shrinking violet; I’m fully capable of standing up for my rights should they be trod upon. But then I have people saying things like, “This ain’t the 1950’s. Come out of the kitchen. He’s oppressing you.” as if it could never be my choice. My answer is always the same thing: “You’re right. This isn’t the 1950’s. It’s the year 2014 and that means I can choose to do whatever I want to do. Stop trying to ‘liberate’ me out of my personal choices.” Liberation and independence are supposed to be about doing what you want to do and making your own choices, not the choices that everyone else agrees with or thinks you should make. On Facebook, someone made a great point about Muslim women, and how Non-Muslim Americans want to “liberate” these women of their head coverings without even sparing a thought to the fact that Muslim women choose to wear them.
People who engage in this type of ridiculous judgment and life-policing are the reason for all of this BS, because they simply cannot keep their noses out of other people’s business. If a man wants to elevate his woman to the status of Empress of the Universe, that’s not your business. If a woman wants to wait on her man hand and foot as if he were God Himself, that’s not your business. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, nobody’s marriage or relationship is your business. So instead of worrying about all the other men and women in the world and why they are not doing exactly what YOU think is the right thing, worry about your own partner and your own life.
And shut the fuck up, too.
As I’ve stated in other posts, I have a few problems with the anti-rape culture movement. The purpose of the anti-rape culture movement seems to be to reduce women once again to helpless victims. To me it looks like women who are being groomed to be victims because they are being taught that they have no power here. I stand in staunch opposition to this and always will. Thinking that more education and sensitivity training is going to protect you in this world is a pipe-dream and it’s a dangerous one. You cannot “cure” or educate someone out of being a rapist. It is impossible. Making women put on clothes is not going to change things and women running around naked telling everyone not to look is not going to change things, because these things have nothing to do with why rape occurs. Rape occurs because a person feels powerless and wants to assert control over another human being in order to feel more powerful. No amount of sloganeering or naked protestation is going to change that.
This video is my statement to the anti-rape culture brigade: Enough, already! THIS is why rape occurs: because a person puts (or sees) another person in a vulnerable situation and takes advantage of them. Period.
It has nothing to do with any of the political bullshit that these assholes are talking about. It is not society causing it. It is not because of some lack of education or sensitivity. People don’t need to be “taught not to rape,” because people already know that rape is wrong. They do it anyway because they don’t care.
This video is also a rebellion against being branded as a sex object. Attempts were made to look not sexy but pathetic. The simulated rape and forced servitude shown here is not just the message but the subtext as well; it is symbolic of being forced into a role you do not want to occupy.
It used to be if you wanted to shut down the opposition, you shouted racism, sexism or any other -ism designed to marginalize their words and them as a person. Now instead of simply crying “(Fill-In-The-Blank)ISM!!” whenever someone wants to shut the other person up, there is a smug, smarmy little phrase being uttered all over the place: “Check your privilege.” This means for example, that if you are white you cannot comment on racism, becuse by default you can’t have experienced it and therefore, your input has no value. Allow me to address this “Check your privilege” thing right now. You’ve not seen what I’ve seen or been where I’ve been. You have no idea what my privilege would be. You are making a snap judgment based on what I look like and nothing else. If that’s not bullshit, I just don’t know what is.
I’m white, so I can’t have experienced racism.
I have certain things, so I can’t have experienced poverty.
I’m not a drug addict, so I can’t have experienced addiction.
I’m not overweight, so I can’t have experienced body shaming.
I’m not gay, so I can’t have experienced discrimination because of who I am.
Here’s a newsflash: Every single one of these things is wrong. You have no idea where I come from or what I’ve been through. Check your privilege before you tell me to check mine. Not everyone fits into your prescribed boxes of how “victims” are supposed to act. I mean, I get it. I’m a jerk. I’m opinionated. I say things that most people will not say. I’m brash. I laugh at things that aren’t funny. I make inappropriate jokes that people find offensive. I laugh at other people’s jokes that are offensive. I will laugh at jokes about almost anything if they are funny enough. You know why? Because I’m an asshole and because I’ve been through enough that I think I can laugh at whatever the hell I want to laugh at. If you don’t like it, go find someone who gives a shit and tell them how to run their life. “Check your privilege, honey.” Oh no, sweetheart. Check yours. You labor under the incorrect assumption that you have the privilege of judging me based on what you can see. Well, here’s a little thing you can’t see: You don’t know me like that and I will make you feel stupid. Not that you shouldn’t already, talking some insane, presumptuous shit like that.
Racism, gender inequality, discrimination because of sexuality, rape, domestic violence or anything else that has happened – or will happen – to me doesn’t define me, and it doesn’t have to define YOU.
I am not religious but the growing discrimination against Christians and religious people in general is beginning to alarm me. Those who I’ve debated with don’t seem to really be offended on behalf of gays or women or other hot button issues. Not really. They seem to have actually been offended by the mere mention of religion. For many, it seems to be a platform for them to express their own bigoted and discriminatory views — against Christians and/or religion in general. I’m no expert but it would seem that the answer to perceived bigotry and discrimination can hardly be more bigotry and discrimination.
I find it sad and a shame that people who claim they are all about equality and fair treatment for all just ignore this, or worse – they participate in it. Discrimination against anybody should alarm everybody. But it doesn’t, and that alarms me. I really feel that if, say, religious people were all rounded up to be shot simply for being religious, many of the people in this country would not protest or even care. I find that terrifying. “First they came for the Communists” and all that.
What I don’t get is, do they not realize how easily that actually could be them? Do they really think that could never happen? What about when it’s me? What about when it’s you? I tell myself every day not to give in to my ego or superego or whichever it is; that people cannot possibly be as stupid as I sometimes think they are. But every day I hear things like that (“Oh, it’s OK if it’s them, because it’ll never be me!”) and it gets harder and harder to believe that. I think they really do believe that. It’s frightening.
But what can you say about a society where scientific studies are done and psychiatric illnesses are dreamed up solely for the reason of giving people an excuse to escape personal responsibility? Not much, I guess.
Recently I read a blog by a person named Amy Glass entitled, “I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry.” Among other gems it contained the assertion that “You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids” and that “Women will be equal with men when we stop demanding that it be considered equally important to do housework and real work.”
Raising children is one of the most important things we will ever accomplish on this earth. It is the most important legacy we leave and it is really the only one that matters. We are literally creating the next generation of people. Going by the logic expressed in her article, even the most paltry, insignificant bean-counting job validates a woman more than having children does. Does this dumb broad really think that stocking shelves at Wal Mart is more important than raising responsible, well-adjusted children?
The most important thing to note here is Ms. Glass’s inability to understand that choices are a fundamental concept of feminism. Women fought for the choice to work or stay home, not to be required to do either. Feeling like you may vomit every time you “hear someone say that feminism is about validating every choice a woman makes” is the antithesis of feminism. So is demanding that women be in the station in life that you ascribe to them and ridiculing them if they are not.
Sorry, Ms. Glass, but the sisterhood you envision is not a bunch of childless, single women sitting around discussing how much better off and more fulfilled they are than those “other” women. The sisterhood that your type all but demands is something you will ironically never be able to participate in. It is non-judgemental. It is all-supportive. It is about true choice and freedom. These are things that you seem to know absolutely nothing about. Your bitterness is only surpassed by your ignorance. It’s a shame.
To those who agree with Ms. Glass, here’s a newsflash: It is not necessary for women to get your approval regarding the choices they’ve made in life. That’s your hangup. You have no input, say, relevance or right to judge anyone else’s life or their choices.
You are no better than Ms. Glass. She does not understand the concept of freedom, choice or equality and neither do you.
Ms. Glass states that she will not reveal personal information such as whether or not she has kids, or her age. She doesn’t need to tell me her age or if she has children. She is obviously a bitter, immature person with no children who apparently feels marginalized and desperately wants to feel validated and fulfilled in the face of her “sisters” who are raising families. There is no other explanation for the bitterness on display in that article.
Attempting to feel validated by putting others down is the sign of a malfunctioning ego. Ms. Glass’s response to the criticism was even more bitter. She stated that everyone criticizing her is just an angry “breeder,” that her job is far more worthwhile and fulfilling than having children (LOL) and that at least she will have something to show for her life when she dies. I’m not sure how much impact a bitter blogger has on the world but I do know that no one ever laid on their death bed wishing they’d written more internet articles or spent more time at work.
I respect mothers who work. I respect mothers who don’t work. I respect women who choose not to have children at all. What I don’t respect are people who think their definition of success, relevance or exceptionalism gives them the right to judge others.